Sand, Heat, and Silver by Ysa Guce

 [for a friend.]

every now and then,

i find myself worrying

that you notice that

i try too hard.

to tell the truth,
for far too long,
i have been trying in vain
to make mirrors –

to balance mountains of sand
on my trembling palms;

my warmth would transform those grains,
liquify them so that they harden
into flat sheets;
and then into those sheets
i would mix slivers of silver
of my own making.

but sand is fragile;
it slips away between my desperate fingers.
my heart ends up begging and
becomes scorching hot
and it’s uncontrollably painful;
the silver i produce
is as fake as the smiles
i smile to try to make you like me more.

the mirrors i tried to make
so that i could see myself in you
and maybe feel better about myself
always break with one glance.

others have it so easy.

effortlessly, they saunter towards you,
their smiles reflected in your actions.

it’s hardly fair.

do you not like me sometimes
because, for you, i try and think
too hard to be somebody i’m not?

how i wish

i could just be me

for you.

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Ysa is a sophomore who constantly attempts to write creatively. She may also be a little too hard on herself sometimes. She owes a lot to her blockmates for helping her realize that writing isn't just something she isn't quite bad at.