#CoEdProblems
Is probably a hashtag you could not righteously use in high school simply because you spent what could be more than half of your life in a school full of either girls or boys, with the exception of janitors/janitress’, food vendors, guards, and whatnot.
So allow me to assume that you, my friend, probably don’t know what it’s like to:
- Have your crush or your boyfriend/girlfriend linger on the same grounds as you for approximately eight hours every day (sounds heavenly, I know), and consequently, compensate for those eight hours of wishful thinking stalking him/her on Facebook
- Be grouped with Mr./Ms. Crush for a school project and accidentally (or purposely, for the more daring souls) touch his/her hand when you asked him/her to pass the scissors
- Discreetly ask for pads from girl classmates because the last thing you want are the guys flipping out when they hear you say, “Do you have a napkin?”
- Spend every minute in front of the mirror in the morning, making certain that every strand of hair is in place for Mr./Ms. Crush, before your mom finally screams, “Let’s go! You’re going to be late.”
- Have no need to daydream because dream boy/dream girl could be just a few seats or classrooms away from you
- See people PDA on campus
And the list goes on.
Hailing from a private grade school and high school exclusive for girls, I certainly do not know what it is like to be the girl above; the sad fact is, the closest encounters I ever really had to the male species back in high school were soirees, my tennis coaches, prom and sophomore night, review classes, and of course, my male relatives; this is exactly why even the mere thought of college — or boys, to be precise — always had me breeding butterflies in my stomach.
There were days during the summer before freshman year my best friend and I would chat on Facebook and freak out at the mere thought of interacting with the opposite sex everyday, after spending what we considered were “years in captivity”. I thought conversing with boys would be intensely draining because I would constantly need to find common ground between the two of us (and I didn’t, and still don’t, play video games so what the heck would there be to talk about, right?), I thought they would turn out to be terrible group mates and abandon me for NBA 2K13 the moment I ask them for their contribution in the group, I thought that approximately 85% of boys were douchebags with cold hearts who knew more about leading girls on than anything associated with the sciences; and having said that, I had a tendency to undermine the intellectual capabilities of men relative to women. I would not call myself a feminist, but as you can now tell, I sure was one to stereotype.
But boys, before you search me on Facebook and send me hate messages or threaten me with physical injury, please know that all my perceptions of boys turned out to be misconceptions.
And I thank college for helping me see that.
And the only way you will be able to realize what I have discovered in my freshman year in the Ateneo is if you boldly leap out of your comfort zone and put aside your awkward tendencies even just for a while, so that you could come home and proclaim to your parents, “I made a new friend today… and it was a boy.”
I know I am quite the inexperienced one when it comes to boys, but with the help of some friends who also came from exclusive high schools, I have come up with a list on interacting with the opposite sex without freaking them out (this is applicable to boys too):
- Shy should not exist. Fear is often the only thing that gets in your way when it comes to grabbing new opportunities; so do not be afraid to make new friends because everyone is trying to get around too. –Mark, UST
- Be calm and be yourself. Just play it cool and don’t try to impress all the time. Girls don’t like guys who are cocky. Also, don’t think you’re “too cool to talk to anyone” or be the type who chooses people to converse with because both will not work out for you in the end. –Finina, UPD
- Be careful with what you say. Don’t say green jokes or curse a lot when you’re meeting someone new. It leaves a bad impression and you will repel people from you. Just try to seem approachable and easy to talk to. –Jap, UST
- Skill test. Coming from an all-boys school, knowing girls was the sign of how good you were with your social skills. Boys, don’t put too much pressure on yourselves because college will assure you of so many opportunities for that. Give them an impression that is entirely original and of yourself — know who you are and be confident about it. –Botan, UPD
- Boys are nicer than you think. Contrary to popular belief, boys are easy to talk to; and they are good at giving advice, especially when you have boy problems. –Bea, UST
- Boys in the group. It is recommended to have a guy in your “college barkada” because it brings in other perspectives, and you see how a guy’s mind works compared to that of a girl’s. Also, guys don’t like girls who are self-absorbed, so don’t talk about yourself too much. –Sam, DLSU
- School talk. It’s always good to start off with school talk. It can help build interests when it comes to education, and it will also help you find someone you can work with later on. Girls like guys who are intelligent but are not know-it-alls. In freshman year, everybody is just as scared as you are, and everybody wants to pass, so it would be good to help each other out. –Belle DLS-CSB
- Getting attention. If you want the attention of boys, don’t ask for it the wrong way; dress in a pleasing and respectable manner if you want to attract the right people. Also, focus on academics above all things and don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. –Alexis, DLSU
- Befriend acquaintances. In Ateneo, we have different classmates in almost every subject, so we don’t really get to know our classmates that well. If you see an acquaintance or a classmate, it would be good to smile at them when you see them around campus so that you could converse with them the next time around. –Mike, ADMU
- Keep your options open. Don’t rush into relationships right away, and don’t limit your options early in the game because not every girl is the girl. Maybe in high school, making fun or teasing people was an acceptable way of having fun, but that may not be the case in college; so always be vigilant of what you say. Also, be a gentleman for others. –Gian, DLSU
- Expectations vs. Reality. Don’t believe everything you see in the movies. I assumed that there were only two types of guys: nice and douchebags. When I learned that there were more than just those two types, I got culture-shocked and I didn’t know how to deal with them exactly; so make sure to have the right mindset before meeting guys. Also, a lot of us girls believe that chivalry exists, but that’s not the case for all guys so be careful. –Dana, ADMU
- Viewing girls. Try to look at the girl you like as someone who is just a friend, because viewing a girl as a point of interest hinders you from understanding her more. If it gets awkward, use icebreakers. Always try to keep the conversation flowing. –Joey, ADMU
College may seem like a dark hole with no escape, but regardless of arduous schoolwork and requirements, four years from now, you could be saying that college is “the best thing that has ever happened to you”. Your soon-to-be-college life is simply what you make of it — you can claim to have had a terrible day because you walked back and forth from Bel to CTC while being drenched in the rain; but when all has been said and done, you could say that it was a.) a glimpse of hell on earth or b.) fun and a great experience you will never forget. Every sentiment from every experience will always come out as a choice, so take your pick.
Before I end, I wish you the best of luck, dearest freshmen! And welcome to the Ateneo! Every day is an adventure, so make it count
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Monica Pontejos is an AB Interdisciplinary Studies major in her second year, with tracks in Psychology and Management.
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